My husband just isn’t playing ball. He is upsetting beyond all reason and I have spent the best part of the last week in tears. He just keeps wasting money….over a bloody bar. Not only should he curb his social life because we now have two young babies, but also because we dont have any money. He has caused us to go overdrawn again (its a new account, so we can wave bye bye to that after BR), and racked up £150 in bank charges. He has NOTHING to show for it, except a wife in pieces and no milk, nappies or baby wipes for our youngest.

We’ve not had a strong relationship because of our differences and now I think the time has come to go it alone. I just cant live like this. I cant sit back and watch that money be poured away, its not the life I want for my girls or me. I’ve done a new I&E for me if I were single and with tax credits it makes very little difference. He his holding up the BR because we are missing info from his employer. I tried calling for it but really he needs to do it. I’m sick with worry about what will happen to him, where will he live, where will he bank etc etc, but thats the problem. I do everything and now he expects it.

My stomach is in knots but its time to put me first and let him take care of his own problems. I’m going to call the co-op and open my own cashminder account; normally I would do it for him too, but whats the point?

I’m also off to stay with my dad for a couple of days to cool off and try and switch off. Wont be easy as my body has become riddled with stress related eczema and I cant eat. Just when I thought we were doing good, this happens, or perhaps I just had rose tinted  specs on?

Last year I deferred my place to climb Mount Fuji for charity because I was pregnant, this year I have deferred because A: I shall be in ‘the dock’ when my flight should be taking off and B: I dont think that the OR would be too happy with the £250 from my pocket to go (even if dad said he would pay it!). So Japan you will have to wait for me.

I know it sounds strange, but climbing Fuji would have been brilliant for me now. The climb was through the night and reaching the summit at sunrise. A new begining. Debt free,  demons gone.

But hey ho! This time next year it will all be over and I will be discharged, so when I see that sunrise it will mean even more to me!

For the last 4 days I have been completing the forms online. Phew! They are now finished, just need some tax details for hubby and then we will have them checked over before pressing the submit button.

Very easy to do online, and would recommend it to most. You can fill the forms out here https://www.insolvencydirect.gov.uk/isolv/public/access/publicUserRegister.do

Also saves the hassle of scanning or photocopying as you can just print 3 copies off and sit back with a glass of vino!

If you are going BR jointly then its worth bearing this in mind

On each Statement Of Affairs (SOA form 6.28) you just list all your outgoings jointly and not split 50/50. That means if your rent is £600 then list that and not £300, the same goes for food, travel, insurances etc. You will both be awarded with the same OR and they will be aware of this. I was unsure at first but some helpful advice from Melanie Giles (again!!) has settled that little query.

Once I have had my expenditures checked over I will post up what I have listed. Once I have had our OR meetings i will post up what was actually allowed, which should be interesting.

I’ll try to keep my blog as factual as I can for the moment (and not waffle about my ‘emotions’), as I feel that will help others more at this stage.

Have spoken to two creditors this week, by Jove they were harsh! Why does money always bring out the worst in people? But I’m not scared anymore. I’m much wiser now. I did not tell them of my intentions to go BR incase they sent the bailiffs round or slapped an attachment of earnings/charging order on me and my property. I just said that I could not afford to pay at the moment as I was on Stat Mat pay, but would be returning to work next month and resume my payments then. They asked for a token payment. I said “No. I cant afford to. Feeding my children is more important than giving you a token payment. I’m sorry if that offends, but please dont waste both of our times by continually asking”.  I was very polite and to the point.  Six weeks ago i would not have dared even answer the phone. Roll on August!

No not the song, but me!

I just went to Butlins for four nights and spent a grand total of………£45! And nobody went without. Just didnt eat out or buy a load of old sh*t! And now I’m about to book my Sun holiday in Cornwall for £9.50. I dont think the OR will mind too much. I love being like this, feels fantastic and means I wont end up with two spoilt rotten children (I’m ashamed to say that we were heading that way).

But on the downside……….

ebay didnt raise the essential funds to go BR, so will have to wait until end of August now; I know its only 5 weeks away, I feel scared. NR have sent letter threatening court. Pants!

I also want to run the Nike 10km next month but dont have the race fee of £30. Would have jjust shoved it on the card before. I dont know how we lived like that before. Now we are not paying our creditors, we still are left with NOTHING. But I do realise that is because I am on stat mat pay at the moment. When I go back to work we will be an extra £400 pm better off, which means we can shop weekly rather than fortnightly.

I have been fairly stressed today. Not sure why, perhaps because we are having to scrounge the money for hubbys travelcard next week. Its no fun, but its the means to an end. We will be debt free, we will be debt free, we will be debt free……………

Well I’ve started to selling to raise the BR fees! Unfortunately eBay seems to saturated with people selling the same as me! So far only made £26!!! But I have hope. Theres more to sell and I will definitely have the extra £974 by end of month. Just need to get bum in gear and fix a couple of things then they too can go on.

Had two lots of good news this week. 1: I won blog of the month and £100 worth of M&S vouchers! Woo Hoo! Hubby asked if I was going to sell them!?! errr NO! These are all MINE. We have a big fancy wedding to go to in August so I’m going to buy our outfits in the M&S sale. Great stuff.

Good news 2: Booked a holiday to Butlins with best friend last year (paid for with credit card). Have had no idea how I’m going to be able to go as we have NO MONEY. The girl I am going with is my friend and single mummy, so pennies are tight for her too. I really didnt think I could go, but now I can. My dad has given us £100 as spending money. Okay its hardly much, but we are going self catering and all the activities are included, so £100 should get us by for 4 days. It will be a challenge but my best friend (who does not have a penny of debt) is going to show me how. So excited for monday now, it should be a fab week.

I’ve also gone from lard arse to olympic athlete since this began. Before, I drank far too much wine and did little exercise. Now I am running 30km a week. I’ve entered 3 races and put my name down for the 2010 marathon. I’m saving loads of dosh by not drinking (except on a friday & saturday) and feel heaps better. When I’m out running, I put real motivational music on my iPod and go for it. I do a lot of thinking and come up with answers and solutions, it certainly is a stress buster.

Its made me quite strong and I even gave a callcentre rep from NR a good talking to. A month ago I woudnt have even answered the phone. As Paul Johns says, “knowledge is power” and theres no better way to gain the knowledge than reading these forums. When stroppy NR man (who incidently called me from his mobile) said “if you’re not prepared to offer a token payment we’ll start court action….” I cut him off. I said “For heavens sake, I owe you £990! I’m doing my best and have done my best, so go ahead and spend money taking me to court, you wont win or get a penny, I’ll see to that!”. Slightly cheeky? Oh yes. I didnt mean to be but he spoke to me like I was stupid. His objective to scare me into paying. My objective was to let him know that I know my rights and the law (probably more than he does) and that I was not about to be lied to or bullied. When he played the “you’ll lose your home card” I actually laughed out loud and told him to have a good weekend.  Gosh its great to feel empowered!

So all in all, I’m still terrified about what the judge/creditors/OR has in store for us, but have a sneaky feeling that we are going to come out okay in the end.

Now back to ebay! “Cheap as Chips!”